YuGIJoe
by YU-G.I.-JOE
Summary: G.I. Joe and Yugi must team up to stop Cobra and fight government corruption.
1. Default Chapter

Yugi-Oh belongs to Kazuki Takhashi, TV Tokyo and 4kids Entertainment.  
  
G.I. Joe belongs to Hasbro.  
  
Thanks to my cousin, kindoftrouble, who showed me how to post a story here and betaed(sp?) this for me, got me to change names, etc. U rock!

Enjoy this story, minna-san! Yo Joe!

Previously on Yugi-Oh:  
  
Joey Wheeler clenched his fists as he approached the Motou gaming shop. His whole being seemed to fight what he was about to do, so he deliberately brushed hair in his face. No doubt his eyes would betray him, not to mention that Yugi and the others would ask too many questions about his black eye.  
  
Yugi Motou, Tea Gardner and Tristan Taylor were happy to see him. Shit.  
  
"I just came to say I don't want to be friends anymore," Joey said coldly.  
  
Yugi tried to run after him, "Wait-Joey! Are you in trouble?" And then, his Ancient Egyptian personality took over. "Joey- please don't go," Yami's deep, booming voice pleaded. Joey ran even faster.  
  
Joey slammed the door and glared at his father. "Kid, this deal is too good to pass up. I can't hold up a job but this guy's offering quite a bit to have you for keeps. Too much to risk your friends meddling," Mr. Wheeler explained as he popped open another beer.  
"Whatever," Joey growled.  
  
Previously on GI Joe:  
  
James McCullen Destro extended his arm, "Welcome to my humble home, Mr. Vice-President."  
  
The Vice-President smiled evilly, "With this subcontract offer for Iraq reconstruction, you'll be able to build a house 10- no, a 100 times bigger!"  
  
They laughed evilly.  
  
Dusty and Duke stood outside the plane, in a manner recalling Bogart and Bergman in Casablanca's final scene.  
Duke worked up his nerve to say, "Dusty, I—"  
  
Dusty turned to him sadly, "Shhh… I do too, but we'll both be discharged if we go any further with this."  
  
Storm Shadow walked into Cobra Commander's private chambers, with his hair tied back in a pair of pigtails and dressed in a schoolgirl outfit. "The lawyer twins managed to get you a new toy. We have to lay low in Japan anyway, so we'll land in Domino City and hide out there until Destro finalizes the Halliburton subcontract."  
  
Cobra Commander clapped his hands excitedly.  
  
Storm Shadow looked down sadly, "I don't mean much to you, do I?"  
  
Cobra Commander sighed out of frustration, "Why is whenever I'm with Bludd, Tomax and Xamot, Mindbender, Overkill, Crystal Ball or someone else, you get all pissy?"  
  
"Yu-G.I.-Joe!"  
  
Joey Wheeler sat in front of the mirror, furiously trying to cover his black eye with cover-up. Under his breath, he muttered obscenities against his father selling him off this way. It was one thing to have to do an occasional night of streetwalking when newspapers on his route didn't sell well. But this was the rest of his life now: some rich guy's sex plaything, nothing more.  
  
Yugi and his friends were energetically searching for Joey the next morning when Seto Kaiba's limousine drove by and stopped in front of them.  
  
Seto stepped out and stared at them coldly. "I suppose you're looking for your mutt."  
  
Yugi looked amazed, "How did you know?"  
  
Seto snickered, "His creep of a father called me last night. He was trying to get me to buy the mutt off him."  
  
Tristan frowned, "Mr. Wheeler was trying to sell Joey?"  
  
Seto nodded, "He asked if I was interested in topping a previous offer from some American." Yugi looked horrified.  
  
"Wait- why'd you get a call like that? " Tea asked.  
  
Seto grew flustered, "I get lots of blackmail and nefarious offers as a CEO. It doesn't mean I pick up male hookers or buy them to keep!"  
  
Yugi looked confused, "What does Joey have to do with male hookers?"  
  
Everyone turned towards Yugi, each with a look that clearly stated 'No way can anyone be so thick!'  
  
"I hate to interrupt," a voice called out.  
  
Everyone turned towards a group of four American soldiers. One looked like an American action movie star- blonde with blue eyes and tons of muscle; another like a ninja; another was an attractive redhead woman; and the other was dressed like a desert legionnaire.  
  
"Good evening. We couldn't help overhear your conversation. Our intelligence has picked up reports of Cobra forces landing here to pick up a sex slave for Cobra Commander," the redhead woman said, revealing her clumsy Japanese speaking skills.  
  
"It's ok, we all have English classes at school," Tea smiled- bringing the rest of the story into English.  
  
The soldiers sighed in relief.  
  
"So who are you guys?" Yugi asked.  
  
"We're part of a U.S. military force called G.I. Joe. Our main focus is on the Cobra terrorist organization. My name is Duke," the blonde muscle man said.  
  
"I'm Dusty," the legionnaire-clad man said, inadvertently taking hold of Duke's hand.  
  
The two immediately recoiled, and looked around nervously.  
  
"I'm Scarlett, and this is Snake-Eyes. He's an amazing ninja but he can't talk," the redhead said.  
  
"Those sound like code names," Tristan muttered.  
  
"Top secret force. Those are the rules of the game," Duke explained.  
  
"Whatever. I have a meeting to go to. Have fun looking for the mutt," Seto said in his usual disinterested tone. His limo drove off.  
  
"So you think this sex slave is our friend, Joey," Tea began.  
  
Snake Eyes handed Yugi some surveillance photographs.  
  
Yugi dropped them in shock, "Cobra took my best friend!"  
  
Joey followed Storm Shadow, still clad in his schoolgirl disguise, into an abandoned amusement park on the outskirts of Domino City. Joey looked around, curiously.  
  
"Come on," Storm Shadow hissed. Joey was taken aback. The ninja's eyes burned with a jealous rage.  
  
"Look, if I'm competition, I'm all too happy to leave!" Joey grinned.  
  
Storm Shadow snapped at him, "It's not up to me. Just don't do me any favors. I'd rather hate your guts."  
  
Joey's eyes looked over to the katana blades on Storm Shadow's back. "Alright, I'll clam up. Let's go meet this guy."  
  
Inside the Motou Game Shop, the four GI Joe soldiers huddled over a war tabletop role-playing game.  
  
Yugi's Grandpa keep leering over at Scarlett, muttering dirty old man things like… "American women are just like fast food… super sized all over,"  
  
Snake Eyes leapt from his seat, sword drawn.  
  
Grandpa laughed nervously, "I'll leave you to your work. I had a couple errands to run, anyway. Yugi, you're in charge of the store."  
  
Yugi walked over to the soldiers, "You think you can get my friend back?"  
  
Duke smiled up at him, "Of course. That's what we do… Hold on, we have a call."  
  
"Duke in… Oh, hi Don…What do you mean?! ...There's an innocent civilian there…Why would we leave him in Cobra's clutches?…I see… HALLIBURTON SUBCONTRACTED WHAT TO DESTRO?!… AS IN COBRA'S DESTRO? ...IN IRAQ! … I think I speak for my entire team here when I say, 'We quit.'…Oh, I do mean it. And for the record, I didn't vote for that draft-dodging dipshit in the first place!"  
  
Everyone stared at Duke in amazement. Duke was fuming.  
  
Dusty looked down, trying not to blush. Duke looked so cute when he was fired up.  
  
Yugi looked nervous, "What's happening?"  
  
"We're going to rescue your friend," Duke smiled.  
  
Yugi smiled, "Really, Duke?"  
  
"Please call me Conrad," Duke said.  
  
"Shana," said Scarlett.  
  
"Ronald, nice to meet you," said Dusty.  
  
Snake Eyes just shrugged.  
  
"And we'll do it on my terms, " Yami Yugi added. "I doubt the Cobra Commander has a chance against me in a Duel Monsters match!"  
  
"Is that so?' hissed a voice in the corner.  
  
Everyone turned towards the front of the store, seeing Cobra Commander, Storm Shadow and a nervous-looking Joey in the front of the game store.  
  
Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes glared at each other.  
  
"I trust you've heard you Joe can't go after us anymore," Cobra Commander beamed.  
  
Duke smiled knowingly and pulled Dusty towards him. He then kissed Dusty in a manner recalling Life Magazine's "V-J Day in Times Square" photograph.  
  
Cobra Commander was stunned. "You'll get discharged for that!" he shrieked.  
  
Scarlett giggled, "Not if we've quit already!"  
  
Storm Shadow bounded out of the shop, Snake Eyes in pursuit.  
  
Duke smiled, relishing the chance to battle Cobra Commander. "You're going down!"  
  
"No, Duke. I must battle the Cobra Commander in a game of Duel Monsters. Joey is my… friend and he needs my help," Yami Yugi said in his booming, operatic voice.  
  
Duke and Dusty smiled knowingly.  
  
"Good luck," Scarlett smiled. Joey called out, "Yuge, don't do it! This whacko, he plays…"  
  
"Shut up! You're my bitch now. I tell you when to speak and when to spread your legs!" Cobra Commander shouted as he hit Joey with his snake-staff.  
  
"Cobra Commander, your perverted use of Joey as your fuck-toy has gone on long enough. I challenge you to a duel and when I have defeated you, Joey will be free to be whosever bitch he wishes to be," Yami Yugi declared.  
  
"Such poppycock! When I win, you will have to shave off that silly 3-colored hair of yours!" Cobra Commander chirped.  
  
Joey looked at Yami Yugi nervously, "Please don't do it! This guy- he's really good at Duel Monsters!"  
  
"What did I say?" Cobra Commander shrieked. Joey flinched.  
  
"Cobra Commander, I agree to your terms. I will not let you make a perverted mockery of my friends," Yami Yugi insisted.  
  
"When I win, not only will I have claims to Joey once and for all- but I'll get to see you bald! Hahahaha!" Cobra Commander grinned from under his helmet.TO BE CONTINUED? 


	2. Filler parody

Disclaimers in part one of Yu-G.I.-Joe. This is mainly a filler parody

"Cobra Commander! I will defeat you in this duel so Joey will no longer be your sex slave," Yugi's voice boomed.

"You can do it," Yugi's friends and the Joes called out in chorus.

"I will win. And then I will duel Kaiba and also win," Cobra Commander reveled.

Yugi looked at him worriedly, "Kaiba? Why do you also want to duel Kaiba?"

"Becaussssssssse he's a good duelist and I want to prove I'm a formidable duelist as well," he replied.

Yugi stared him down, "That's not a good enough reason."

Cobra Commander laughed. "You want to know the _real_ reason?"

Joey rolled his eyes, "Because you're a hentai gaijin with a shounen fixation?"

Cobra Commander was too caught up in his thoughts to respond. /Do I dare reveal my tragic back-story so early in this arc/

"Cobra Commander, I demand a good reason for this duel against me and then Kaiba!" Yugi bellowed.

Cobra Commander burst out into laughter, "Very well, Yugi. I will remind you of the pain and misery I suffered at the hands of you and Kaiba!"

**Flashback**: Cobra Commander gets on an elevator in Domino City's tallest skyscraper. The floor stops at the very next floor. Yugi and Kaiba get on. Cobra Commander finds himself squished in between Yugi's pointy hair and Kaiba's pointy, puffed-out jacket. The camera alternates between his pained face and the top of the elevator, moving briskly enough to the top floor but still about 50 floors left.

Tea and Scarlett looked horrified. "That's horrible!"

Tristan briefly looked up from a magazine, "Um yeah. However did you survive such a terrible thing? Yeah."

Everyone looked over at Duke and Dusty, who were making out on the floor. They turned bright red and pulled away from kissing just long enough to stammer, "Bad very bad."

"So that's why you want me to shave off my hair. So Joey was just your bait, then," Yugi murmured.

Cobra Commander thought about it for a moment, "Not really. I wanted a new toy anyway and when I found it tied in with my revenge…" His voice trailed off in a purr as he grabbed Joey close despite his struggling.

Yugi glared at him, "You fiend! When this duel is over, I will have beaten you and saved Joey! And something bad will probably happen to you."

Joey's eyes sparkled with hope, "I know you can do it, Yuge. Beat this ecchi creep!"

Cobra Commander kicked Joey to the floor, "Shut up, you little skank cocktease. Oh, Yugi. Soon you will be without that awful, point hair and Kaiba… He'll never wear another puffed-out jacket again!"

Yugi laughed darkly, "Don't be so sure. Let's duel!"

Tristan looked up from his magazine with a pained expression, "They haven't even started yet?"


End file.
